My eyelashes feel like each and every one of them has a big, fat baby hanging from it. It’s making me so incredibly sleepy. I don’t know how the rest of you do it.

Today was my brother-in-law’s wedding. I don’t know his new bride very well, but she seems super nice, if a bit quiet—though she’s probably just “slow to warm,” like I call myself, instead of the detestable “shy” I’m always labeled. I just presided over my sister’s wedding two weeks ago and knew that I had no mascara to wear; mine was so old it wouldn’t even come off the wand. That’s how often I buy makeup.

I just don’t like wearing it; I know it’s got nasty chemicals in it, for one thing, but I’m also so used to going bare that when I wear makeup, I can really feel it. Even if my nails are painted, they feel heavier, stifled, like they need to breathe. Maybe it’s in my head, but I’m pretty sure it’s all real.

So I bought some “plumping” mascara just for today. I wanted to emulate the lovely look Adele has—that mod 60s style—and to my credit, I sort of pulled it off, before I remembered that I wear glasses and Adele doesn’t. I used to be something of a makeup buff, experimenting all of the time, and even doing my sisters’ and friends’ makeup and hair for dances, Halloween, you name it. So I thought I could jump right back in the saddle for this special day, and I sort of did.

The thing is, I can’t stop falling asleep.

This mascara is so heavy! On the tube, it said that it was supposed to be like having false lashes—something I read that Adele sports—and I guess that’s why they are so damn heavy. But I see women wearing this much makeup—and much more; other than that and my eyeliner, I’m only sporting a bit of cover stick and gloss—every day and they never seem tired. In fact, they seem well put together and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in contrast to my usual under eye circles and constant yawns. What is the deal?

Maybe you just get used to it. I know when I went through my black eyeliner phase in junior high, when I had to line both lashes with dark liquid liner, I burned my eyes every day and just grin and bore it for the sake of getting the look I wanted.

But if you’re used to this craziness, I would like to challenge women to go without makeup for a week or two. See how your face feels. I will vouch for its cleanness and lightness, and the lack of your lashes closing themselves on you against your will like…mine are doing… right now…

People might counter my challenge with protests; my sister and mother feel naked without their makeup, after all. But I say just try it and see how it feels; you don’t have to do it forever. Of course, if you wanted to, you’d still be beautiful.

Just so you know.